Wow, my very own Imperial II-class Star Destroyer? And I can get it on Craigslist? Seems legit…
You can get anything on Craigslist! Used computers, office furniture, and for us Star Wars fans, there’s tons of collectibles. Like this Star Destroyer, going for a cool 145,670,000 credits!
But all jokes aside, this is one of the funnier and more creative joke ads on Craigslist in a while, and just in time for all the hype surrounding the second trailer for “The Force Awakens”.
The original can listing can be found here on the Humboldt County, CA version of the site, but these things never stay on CL for very long due to community flagging, so we took a snapshot and pasted the text below for those who might miss out on the fun. Enjoy!
Selling a slightly used Imperial II-class Star Destroyer.
Previously (slightly) owned by a navigator of a spice freighter, this vessel has been sitting on my moisture farm and needs to be removed before next year’s harvest. I just haven’t had time to give this classic the attention it deserves and my loss is some-one else’s gain!
1,600 meters in length this bad boy has a maximum atmospheric speed of 975 km/h and an acceleration of >2,300 g. It’s got a Class 2 hyper-drive system still in working order with a backup Class 8. SFS I-a2b solar ionization reactor is in good to excellent shape. KDY Destroyer-I ion engine turns over on the first try but may need a new serpentine belt.
As you can see by the picture provided, the deflector shield generator domes are intact. That is a state of the art ISD-72x.
Fully equipped with LeGrange targeting computers, heavy ion cannons, Phylon Q7 tractor beam projectors, leather bucket seats, and a 15 disc cd changer.
36,000 tons of cargo capacity, this beauty was ran with a crew of 37,085 but you can pull it off with a minimum of 5,000 leaving you plenty of room to pack in a few extra AT-AT walkers, TIE starfighters, prefabricated garrison bases, Lambda-class shuttles, yards of soil, spool after spool of pipe, and jet skis.
This superstructure is perfect for long road trips with the family, discovering new galaxies, picking up girls for dates, and general destruction of your enemies. Have you ever seen what a Star Destroyer can do to the surface of an unshielded planet? Stones run like water and sand turns to glass. With just a little TLC, this baby can be good as new.
Brand new this beauty of the skies runs at about 145,670,000 credits, but do to some carbon scoring I can be flexible on the price. Realistically, I just need it removed from my property, so all offers or trades will be considered. Make me an offer, no mind tricks.
First come, first serve basis. You are responsible for towing.
BUT WAIT! It get’s better…
Apparently someone went to “take a look” at this Star Destroyer, and had this to report:
I just wanted to make sure people are aware, this is a total scam. I drove all the way out there to look at this thing and the guy wanted a huge deposit before he’d even let me take it for a spin.
After looking around a bit I’d be surprised if this thing could even finish the Kessel run, let alone do it in a decent time. It’s totally infested with roaches and womp rats, so when you figure the cost of a 6.2 trillion cubic foot fumigation job, this thing is a total write-off for that reason alone.
I know it’s had Sand People in it, but all the tracks are single file so who knows how many have been in there or what parts they’ve ripped off.
You can’t even get this thing licensed in most states until you remove all 384 turbolasers and the ion cannons will have to be retrofitted with low-capacity magazines (thanks Obama), and there’s no way this thing is ever going to pass emissions.
The “carbon scoring” is conveniently makes the serial numbers unreadable, so I can’t even verify what model year this thing is, but I suspect that it’s the year that no one wants because there weren’t any handrails on the control deck. The whole “open bridge” thing was a terrible idea. It’s like the Pontiac Aztec of star destroyers.
So save yourself a trip. The guy just wants this crap off his farm but doesn’t want to pay the Jawas to haul it away.
Believe me, this isn’t the star destroyer you’re looking for.